Sven · that man, that impossible man

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Has lots of views, but not a clue.

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December 08 2008

I'm responsible for increasing greenhouse gases.

Animals Save The Planet. A series of environmentally conscious animated shorts from Animal Planet.

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metafilter

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→ cgi.cnet.de

Meine frühsten pubertären Träume werden wahr.

«Besonders gut soll die X-ray-Vision Camera Lens bei Seide oder Schwimmanzügen funktionieren. Auch Sportkleidung durchleuchtet das Gerät laut Hersteller zuverlässig. Bei Skianzügen versagt vermutlich auch dieser Nacktscanner. Die Kleidung des Flughafenpersonals sollte er aber schaffen. Wenn Ihr also beim nächsten Check-in durch den Nacktscanner müsst, könnt Ihr euch rächen.»

via X-ray Vision Camera Lens macht Eure Videocam zum echten Nacktscanner

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Top 10 tricks to piss off your webmaster.

I've been a web designer for quite a long time now, so I can assure you that these are the best tricks to piss off your webmaster, and possibly end up with a voodoo doll of yourself on a geek's desk.

Any similarity with real people/events is purely coincidental and no-one should feel targeted, I've made this list solely for fun.

So here it is (in no particular order):

Pre-reserve your domain and hosting with a small and obscure foreign web based company.
Assume that those who made your website also inherited the technical support for your emails.
Send all your texts on plain old paper, but not handwritten. It's important that the guy who has to retype them knows that there is a digital version somewhere.
When the webmaster ask for your logo, give him an old business card that was in your wallet for the last 3 years.
When he ask "what you would like to be able to change by yourself in your website", answer "everything!". And when the site is done, send him your stuff instead of changing it yourself.
Ask him a for "plug & play" quotation, Ex.: "I'd like a quotation of the site with and without a shopping cart, with and without the gallery .." and so on for every single part of your site.
Send him drafts, let him integrate them, then send some corrections.. iterate over and over until he collapse crying in a corner of the room.
Although you don't know anything about the web (and proclaim it), insist that the web designers do the site exactly like you want it instead of what they think would be best for you.
During the initial meeting, brag that you will write all the needed texts over night and send them back the next morning. Then give no sign of life for the next 3 month and call back asking "Is my site done yet ?!"
Tell him you need a Youtube like website but with Facebook functionalities and the simplicity of Google. Of course you have a very limited budget and the quotation must be on your desk for the next morning.

Bonus: When you receive your quotation argue that your nephew can do it for a fraction of the price in his basement.

(http://www.haineault.com/blog/27/)

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wandi via

giania

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“
You build a nice big room-sized cage, and in one end of it you put five monkeys. In the other end you put the banana. Then you stand by with the fire hose. Sooner or later one of the monkeys is going to go after the banana, and when it does you turn on the fire hose and spray the other monkeys with it. Replace the banana if needed, then repeat the process. Monkeys are pretty smart, so they’ll figure this out pretty quickly: “If anybody goes for the banana, the rest of us get the hose.” Soon they’ll attack any member of their group who tries to go to the banana.

Once this happens, you take one monkey out of the cage and bring in a new one. The new monkey will come in, try to make friends, then probably go for the banana. And the other monkeys, knowing what this means, will attack him to stop you from using the hose on them. Eventually the new monkey will get the message, and will even start joining in on the attack if somebody else goes for the banana. Once this happens, take another of the original monkeys out of the cage and bring in another new monkey.

After repeating this a few times, there will come a moment when none of the monkeys in the cage have ever been sprayed by the fire hose; in fact, they’ll never even have seen the hose. But they’ll attack any monkey who goes to get the banana. If the monkeys could speak English, and if you could ask them why they attack anyone who goes for the banana, their answer would almost certainly be: “Well, I don’t really know, but that’s how we’ve always done things around here.”

This is a startlingly good analogy for the way lots of corporations do things: once a particular process is entrenched (and especially after a couple rounds of employee turnover), there’s nobody left who remembers why the company does things this way. There’s nobody who stops to think about whether this is still a good way to do things, or whether it was even a good idea way back at the beginning. The process continues through nothing more than inertia, and anyone who suggests a change is likely to end up viciously attacked by monkeys.
”

— Let's talk about Python 3.0

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fukami

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→ www.feigenblatt-magazin.de

Frauenversteher via Feigenblog

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→ fun.drno.de

Sitzheizung - via Jörn

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“ Erst nach dem Konsum von drei Bechern Glühwein ist man nach Ansicht von Brauchtumsforschern in der Lage, die optischen und akustischen Zumutungen eines Weihnachtsmarkts ohne gesundheitliche Beeinträchtigungen zu ertragen. ”

— Zippert zappt - Die Glühweinoffensive

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December 07 2008

... er kam doch nicht.

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terreptik

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Grandiose Aktion des Tages: Mann mietet Haus, kauft ...

Grandiose Aktion des Tages: Mann mietet Haus, kauft Lampen wie man sie zum Marijuana-Züchten einsetzt, züchtet damit Weihnachtsbäume, installiert Kameras, und wartet auf die Cops. Der Punkt dabei ist, dass die Cops natürlich eine Hausdurchsuchung machen, und dafür einen Richter überzeugen müssen, dass sie "probable cause" haben, und den können sie nicht haben. Daher lügen sie normalerweise beim Richter, sie hätten eben Grasgeruch wahrgenommen, oder der Hauseigentüber habe sich in der Kneipe verplappert, oder der Nachbar habe die Pflanzen bei einem Besuch mal gesehen. Und das ist in diesem Fall halt alles offensichtlich falsch. In der Praxis gehen die Cops nach Wärmemessungen (was der Supreme Court explizit verboten hat) oder nach Stromverbrauch, was ja auch eher ein entferntes Indiz als probable cause ist.

Und bei den ganzen Hausdurchsuchungen hier würde ich mal sagen, dass wir sowas auch mal brauchen. Jemanden, der öffentlich und pressewirksam vorführt, was da bei uns für ein Missbrauch getrieben wird.

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fefe

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Play fullscreen

Call Wolfgang (2008)

terrorist generated content

Installation / Netzaktion

Zwei Computer telefonieren via VoIP miteinander und generieren automatisch Terrorabsprachen zur Herausforderung des BKA.

http://www.kreidler-net.de/call.html

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rka

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→ img.stern.de

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fh via

1stmachine

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→ www.fohguild.org

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demod

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“ Oft erkennt man wie dumm man war, nie wie dumm man ist. ”

— Frederick Schiff

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t0x1c via

Erikmitk

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December 06 2008

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nitapus via

guelle

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“ Terrorism is not an enemy. It cannot be defeated. It's a tactic.
It's about as sensible to say we declare war on night attacks and expect we're going to win that war. We're not going to win the war on terrorism. ”

— retired U.S. Army general, William Odom

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